Mortality
by ebullience-JJ
Summary: Sarutobi thinks that kages aren't that great and that those who died and those who are about to are far greater than he could ever be. The Sandaime's thoughts on his position as Hokage.


Just a little character analysis on Sarutobi because the old man needs some love. Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns Naruto. Thanks to an-sama who has edited this mercilessly despite being busy herself.

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**Mortality**

_We are only human. (We can dream.)_

Each time a child shouts out loud, full of pride and determination, "I'll become the next Hokage!" Sarutobi smiles, pats the child on the head, and wishes him or her good luck. However, inside he would be frowning, and a small voice he dares not let out would say, "Dream to be anything else _but_ a Hokage."

When his grandson bursts into his office one day, yelling, "I'll take away the title of Hokage from you!" he is surprised. From that day on, he kept his guard up around the child. If he was forced to, he would destroy Konohamaru's little dream. However, the Third doesn't do anything drastic, at least for now. "Let them learn," he says to an apologetic Ebisu. The Hokage hopes they learn fast.

When Naruto exclaims out loud, "I'll become the next Hokage!" Sarutobi sees a fleeting memory of another young blonde lad, who had once declared the exact same thing.

It frightens him.

_Human beings are mortal. (We can die.)_

When asked, "Who do you think has killed the most people and done the most damage?" some answer with a name of a frightening murderer. The correct answer? Kages, no doubt about it. If another were to ask, "Who did they kill?" most think, "Enemies." But the kage, surprisingly enough, corrects them. "My own people."

Sarutobi wonders why his people like kages so much. How do they not see what is right in front of them? He looks at the faces of his teachers and of his predecessor, and wonders if they thought of this issue, too. It's become a habit now. He contemplates this, as he is to give out a mission the very next day.

The following day, he receives a report: three jounins have already died.

The Third Hokage brings out his pipe and draws in a long breath.

_Define the word "human". (We can kill.)_

Back in the old days, he had been the best in his team. This isn't the reason why he became the Hokage, though. Sometimes, Sarutobi thinks, his teammates could be quite selfish. Shodaime and Nidaime had chosen him only because Homura and Koharu had made it clear they wanted no part in the killing. Today, the two are head of Konoha's council, and they sit behind a desk, watching. Always watching.

The Third knows that they wait for the day he might break, just like the Nidaime had.

Another day, another long pile of missions to give out. He forces a small smile as Naruto complains about their recent D-rank mission ("Hurry up and give us a better mission already, old man!") and Iruka lectures the loud boy.

Finally, he gives in, and assigns them a C-rank mission. It'll be alright. They only have to accompany Tazuna back to his hometown. Nothing bad can happen, right? It could even benefit them, a chance to learn more about life.

The Third now remembers the basic rule taught in the academy, "Look underneath the underneath." He would never again give out C-rank missions to complaining genins.

_We all had a point in our lives where we said, "I don't want to die." (We can wish.)_

Sarutobi hates to sleep. If people knew of it, they would find this childish. The Third agrees, but only because leaders cannot show fear. In the dead of the night, not everyone is asleep. He wonders when the next assassination attempt on him will occur.

He can list the name of every single Konoha ninja, from genins to nukenins. Surprisingly, he also remembers the name of every single ninja that has died; from the ninjas whose names were engraved on the cenotaph, to those on a regular gravestone.

Sarutobi also hates the night, especially when he has to turn off the lights and go to sleep. Because once he closes his eyes, _they _open _theirs_. They linger in his mind. Tonight, it's the face of a female chuunin. She cries, for she can no longer see the face of her precious husband and child. He remembers her name, her face, even her last words before she departed. Another face appears before him; this time, someone from his own past. He knows that they will never really rest in peace. The likeness of Hakumo mumbles the names of his friends, the same friends that had shunned him for saving them.

The Sandaime walks to the cenotaph quickly the next day, his hair tousled and heavy bags evident under his eyes. Kakashi was already there. After a brief nod to the jounin, they stood side by side, reading the honoured names.

Kakashi was always the first to leave.

_The ability to express emotions is one thing that separates us from inanimate objects. (We have feelings.)_

Sarutobi sees himself as a failure, for not being able to save Orochimaru from himself. He refuses to lie, admitting that he had favoured the quiet youth over Jiraiya and Tsunade.  
The discovery of Orochimaru's betrayal pained him. He had hoped to name this man as his successor to govern Konoha, this very man who experimented on his own countrymen in his search for power.

It made him sick. Yet he still has hope, for the same young man who once smiled wistfully when visiting his parents' graves.

This youth shows up once again, this time nothing like the boy Sarutobi that can remember loving as his own son. Orochimaru forced him to face his past. As a failure, he was confronted with the faces of his deceased teachers. It's as if they are mocking him. ("We would never have had to meet each other again if you'd done a better job with that snake.")

_People are mortals. (We _do_ die.)_

The pain of dying is nothing compared to do immense anguish he feels, for Orochimaru, for his teachers, for his country, and for the future.

The Third Hokage is afraid to die. It's not only the images of the dearly departed he will see, but now he will meet them again. The people he sent out, who never came back with their life.

As he feels the shinigami's clutches drag him towards death's door, he wonders: What does dying feel like? What would it be like after he was dead? Sarutobi could only be sure about one thing: Kages go neither to heaven nor hell.

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